I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
