Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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