Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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