I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
