Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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