paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
