I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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