Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
