I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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