I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
