I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
