I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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