I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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