I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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