um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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