Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Text me some of your sweat
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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