I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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