fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
