Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
