it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
