Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
