Jerry, you need to find god
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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