A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
