I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
