I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize