Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
