I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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