I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
