you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
