Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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