I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to walk on stilts...naked
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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