youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
