just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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