So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
COCAINE IS GR8
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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