my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
