Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
