are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
