haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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