Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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