To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
