On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
