somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
