Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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