did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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