It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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