That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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