i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
