All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon