I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals