You're completely useless in the revolution.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.