Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
