I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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