this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
