In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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