Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize