I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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