I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
