I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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