my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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