I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
