there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
