I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
