Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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